So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
