I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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