i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize