you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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