so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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