all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
and you fell through a lawn chair
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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