Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
