Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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