how can u be prego again
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
