dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
