Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
