only if we run a train.
done.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
