I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
