? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
