he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize