We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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