I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
