I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
