i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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