Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
