Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
