Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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