Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
