I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
