how can u be prego again
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
