the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
