my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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