hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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