you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
