porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
