i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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