I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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