I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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