last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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