I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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