I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
