Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
