did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
