So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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