That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
