I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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