god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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