the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
