I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
