Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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