i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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