nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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