were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
