Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
