you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
my poor anus
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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