Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
