idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
