Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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