I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
