hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
