I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
