Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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