You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
