You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
false alarm. still invincible.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
