friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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