no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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