When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
