no, he came in my armpit
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
