he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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