I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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